Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Oh. My.

This is the unsophisticated thought that has been running through my head since picking up my Visa yesterday and realizing that I am actually leaving for Chile on Friday evening and God willing, arriving in Santiago at noon the next day.

I am at once quite mellow and exceedingly wound up. I am filled with a depth of gratitude only surpassed twice in my life. I am both worried that it all won't get done and confident that by the time I go, things will be in place. I feel grounded and free and on various levels aware of the both the gift and cost of that feeling.

This is not a trip I am taking from which I will return to what I had known and been doing. A larger unknown now begins. Chile, back for two months of visiting and rearranging suitcases, Rome for five months of "Probation" and Final Profession, and then...?

Am I ready? Ready for what will be asked? Ready for what will be offered? Ready for what I do not know? Ready for revelation? Ready for encounter and question and awe and silence and loneliness? Ready for others to go their way while I go mine? Because, I am not alone in my journey.

I am blessed tremendously by having others around me who are also making their way. Sometimes we share a map for a while, come to know one another. And you look at one another and say, for now, I need to head over here for a bit. You keep going and we'll circle around again, I am sure. Because, the point of convergence is God. The center drawing us down, the love inviting us onward, the reflection of beauty, the welcome table, the rest and cool drink, the challenge, the laugh, the one who knows all of the constellations.

Somehow, believing that helps make this all the more amazing and all the more real. Because mystery is amazing and mystery is real. Not easy. That's sometimes the way it is and often how discoveries are made....how discoveries are made and revelation happens and fullness becomes.

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