I am once again able to do the Friday Five! It feels good to be doing it again-- and on what better topic than friendship
Many of us have friendships - past and present...so today we will celebrate Friday with friendship:
1) Do you remember your first best friend? What did you do together? Are they still in your life?
Absolutely I remember my first best friend! I met him when I was three. I was bellowing in the back yard because there was a dinner plate sized turtle by the chain link gate, had never seen one live before, and was not too certain I wanted to. My hollering caused him to wander over from across the street and we both squatted down to examine the creature. My mom came outside, we walked across the street and met his mom, and then we took the turtle down to the creek to let it go. I have not been in contact with him for years and years, but I still remember him...
2) Did you ever have to move away or have your best friend move away from you?
Yes... I have two best friends. One that I have known since eighth grade...and we have not lived in the same place since heading off to college--but are still dear friends and in regular contact. The other is someone I met in grad school. Moving away from her was much harder. But she and I too are in regular contact. I am a fortunate woman to be blessed so richly and consistently with good people in my life.
3) Are there people in your life now that you can call 'friend'?
Absolutely. It is one of the things for which I give eternal thanks to God... I have friends all over. Not loads of them, but good ones. Ones where your reaction is to throw open your arms and close your eyes and laugh or cry or smile or say nothing at all and give a great hug.
4) What are some of your favorite things to do with your friends?
Running errands and doing the whatnot of life with someone you care about; coffee and conversation; cooking with friends; reading...when you can be in the same room as someone and the quiet between you is welcoming and hints at the ease of your hearts with one another; road trip...maybe with a purpose, maybe just to ride.
5) What is a gift friendship has given you?
Life, joy, confidence, self esteem, freedom, love, the chance to give to someone else.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Three weeks and a Day
It has been three weeks and a day since my last posting. In those three weeks and a day, I have been witness to illness, death, and the feeling of someone's sure and certain resurrection into the glory of God.
I have witnessed other illnesses as well and the debilitating effects they can have on those who surround them. I have felt the tangle of some relationships and the liberation of others.
I have felt sadness, awe, fear, joy, wonder, vacancy, frustration, and the heart of the word impotencia. I have felt the gratification of returning home upon arriving in San Francisco last evening and know that I will have that joy again when I head back to NYC at the end of the month.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and support of my Sisters and overwhelmed by the emotion and multi-faceted intensity of being with family during stressful times.
And, thanks to a letter I read last night before going to bed, I know that there are yet other potentially sticky familial tasks that lie ahead of me between now and September- tasks that have nothing to do with the last three weeks and a day, yet promise more of the same.
My faith tells me that God created the world in six days and a day of rest to contemplate its goodness. A lot can be done in six days if you are God. A lot can happen in three weeks if you are human.
It is pleasing to me to think that God took a day of rest to consider things. I need to do the same.
I have witnessed other illnesses as well and the debilitating effects they can have on those who surround them. I have felt the tangle of some relationships and the liberation of others.
I have felt sadness, awe, fear, joy, wonder, vacancy, frustration, and the heart of the word impotencia. I have felt the gratification of returning home upon arriving in San Francisco last evening and know that I will have that joy again when I head back to NYC at the end of the month.
I have been overwhelmed by the love and support of my Sisters and overwhelmed by the emotion and multi-faceted intensity of being with family during stressful times.
And, thanks to a letter I read last night before going to bed, I know that there are yet other potentially sticky familial tasks that lie ahead of me between now and September- tasks that have nothing to do with the last three weeks and a day, yet promise more of the same.
My faith tells me that God created the world in six days and a day of rest to contemplate its goodness. A lot can be done in six days if you are God. A lot can happen in three weeks if you are human.
It is pleasing to me to think that God took a day of rest to consider things. I need to do the same.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Friends of God and Prophets
Friends of God and Prophets
The morning sun,
out beyond the irises,
is writing the icon of her praise
on the wall beside my chair.
This, after passing through me,
borrowing contours
of breath and being.
Wisdom's startling portrait,
coffee included.
c.MperiodPress
The morning sun,
out beyond the irises,
is writing the icon of her praise
on the wall beside my chair.
This, after passing through me,
borrowing contours
of breath and being.
Wisdom's startling portrait,
coffee included.
c.MperiodPress
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter and Dynamic Stasis
It is Easter Monday. It rained gently all night and the flowers in the raised beds are enjoying a prismatic, glorious morning stretch sun-ward thanks to the moisture. Floral resurrection. There were even a couple bees for musical accompaniment--seemed fitting.
No surgery is necessary on my knee right now, thanks be to God. I am to keep on with the brace at all times (except night/sleeping) for six weeks and go back to see the doctor. The ACL will remain torn for now--stability will improve with time, though the tear will not heal on its own. I will bring the brace and a cane to Rome to use when a major walk is in store. How my knee behaves in Rome will color the Dr's decision about whether to surgically reconstruct the ligament or not. I have no vanity issues about using a cane, can walk quite nicely with it, and find it helpful when it is needed, so I am not overly worried. Some friends have joked that a cane even suits me...fits in with that writer/intellectual vibe thing they say I have going. Don't know about that, but do know that it works for me to use one.
Hospice has told my mother that this is the end for my grandfather so I am headed to WI on Thursday to drive with my mother and step-father to OH on Friday morning. Not sure whether he will still be alive by then, but that is up to God and my grandfather. It is good that I have the time to be there for my mother now and it will mean a lot to my grandmother as well. Being able to do that for them is important to me.
I read about the quake in Baja and continue my walking pleas to the Earth... Enough, already, enough! Thinking about and experiencing the amount of energy on which we walk every day has altered the way I think of terra firma. Firma is more about equilibrium, it seems, than any sort of real solidity. Firma is firma because of synergy and harmony, things being held in a dynamic stasis. I don't know if that is a scientifically sound pairing of concepts, but it is what comes to mind with ecosystems, for example. There are cycles that happen, giving and taking and serving and receiving (dynamism), within that particular ecosystem (stasis)that will continue until some part of that pattern is disrupted. When it is disturbed, something must be done to restore it...volcano, earthquake, tsunami, etc.
Makes me think of Madeleine L'Engle's question in her young adult classic, A Wrinkle in Time. Do I dare disturb the universe?
Sometimes it is called for...and the results are not always containable or predictable. But that does not mean the question goes away.
No surgery is necessary on my knee right now, thanks be to God. I am to keep on with the brace at all times (except night/sleeping) for six weeks and go back to see the doctor. The ACL will remain torn for now--stability will improve with time, though the tear will not heal on its own. I will bring the brace and a cane to Rome to use when a major walk is in store. How my knee behaves in Rome will color the Dr's decision about whether to surgically reconstruct the ligament or not. I have no vanity issues about using a cane, can walk quite nicely with it, and find it helpful when it is needed, so I am not overly worried. Some friends have joked that a cane even suits me...fits in with that writer/intellectual vibe thing they say I have going. Don't know about that, but do know that it works for me to use one.
Hospice has told my mother that this is the end for my grandfather so I am headed to WI on Thursday to drive with my mother and step-father to OH on Friday morning. Not sure whether he will still be alive by then, but that is up to God and my grandfather. It is good that I have the time to be there for my mother now and it will mean a lot to my grandmother as well. Being able to do that for them is important to me.
I read about the quake in Baja and continue my walking pleas to the Earth... Enough, already, enough! Thinking about and experiencing the amount of energy on which we walk every day has altered the way I think of terra firma. Firma is more about equilibrium, it seems, than any sort of real solidity. Firma is firma because of synergy and harmony, things being held in a dynamic stasis. I don't know if that is a scientifically sound pairing of concepts, but it is what comes to mind with ecosystems, for example. There are cycles that happen, giving and taking and serving and receiving (dynamism), within that particular ecosystem (stasis)that will continue until some part of that pattern is disrupted. When it is disturbed, something must be done to restore it...volcano, earthquake, tsunami, etc.
Makes me think of Madeleine L'Engle's question in her young adult classic, A Wrinkle in Time. Do I dare disturb the universe?
Sometimes it is called for...and the results are not always containable or predictable. But that does not mean the question goes away.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Glory unto Glory
I am leaving Chile with many things --only several of which have physical form. Yes, there is a volume of Neruda packed in my bag, there is a medal of San Alberto Hurtado keeping Saint Madeleine Sophie Barat company on the cord around my neck. (I love that, actually, and have no doubt whatsoever that the two of them would have been friends had they known one another.) There is a copper picture frame my community gave me last night before we went out for empanadas at Las Delicias. There is the stone in my pocket from la tierra chilena in Pelarco.
But, more importantly and more lasting, there are other things...intangible wonders...that are also coming with me.
New words to describe concepts. Some of my favorites include: Hermandad-- a word that for me encircles much more than sisterhood. Hermandad, in addition to having a more pleasing sound in my ear, has the added dimension of the feeling as well as the concept. Hay que averiguar... there is the need to discover/determine/figure out/piece together. Pues, no sé, fíjate...Huh, you know what, I don´t know! Involucrar--to engage the other in such a way that the other is motivated to lend support or assistance...
There are so many more complex, stark, juicy, dense, colorful, pared and honed words...and so incredibly immediate are they that it is hard to think of them being of another language, really. Simply more options, more ways to speak of this incredible journey. I am grateful beyond telling to welcome them into the pool of language that waits for the dip of my mind, my pen, to offer her treasure.
There are new feelings as well. New levels of frustration and impoténcia, unique experiences of awe, moments of glory and desolation and desire and fear and support and wonder and even a little whooooaaaaa that is coooool. Among other things, realizing that I was looking at the other side of the moon fell into that category.
A friend wrote in understanding that it is difficult to leave a place where you heart has been stretched and where you have had to stretch to make room for your heart. There is much, much truth in that. I wrote to someone this morning that...
I just got an email...suggesting that perhaps God has done all that he had to do in me here in Chile. While that may be, I replied, I remain with serious questions about that. But, hey, questions allow the conversation to move forward. It is more a curiosity than anything else-- If not here, where, then? And, what? And, when? A somewhat frustrated, sad, and yes, disappointed, curiosity at the moment, but curiosity nonetheless.
As I wrote that, I could not help but think of Saint Rose Philippine Duchesne, the Religious of the Sacred Heart who brought the Society to the United States. For years before being given permission, her burning desire was to come to the United States and work with the Native Americans. In 1818, the desire to come to the US became real...though at first, her work was in founding schools and establishing communities rather than working with the Native Americans. She never managed to learn English or the language of the Potowatomi, never felt herself any sort of success. and filled letters with her doubts and uncertainties, her frustrations. What she wanted, as she wanted it, did not happen. Something else, did, however. And it is thanks to that something else that I am here, experiencing my own frustrations and moments of enlightenment.
On Saturday, a wise, caring, brilliant, laugh-filled and tear-filled, 64 year old rscj died as a result of a brain tumor in California. In thinking of her, in thinking of Philippine, in thinking of the rscj here that died several weeks ago and the stories people have told of her...in thinking of this wild and mysterious, rica y redonda journey, I propose that instead of "dust unto dust," however ultimately concretely true, we go with the image "glory unto glory."
It is equally mysterious, equally incomprehensible, yet filled with awe and eternity.
But, more importantly and more lasting, there are other things...intangible wonders...that are also coming with me.
New words to describe concepts. Some of my favorites include: Hermandad-- a word that for me encircles much more than sisterhood. Hermandad, in addition to having a more pleasing sound in my ear, has the added dimension of the feeling as well as the concept. Hay que averiguar... there is the need to discover/determine/figure out/piece together. Pues, no sé, fíjate...Huh, you know what, I don´t know! Involucrar--to engage the other in such a way that the other is motivated to lend support or assistance...
There are so many more complex, stark, juicy, dense, colorful, pared and honed words...and so incredibly immediate are they that it is hard to think of them being of another language, really. Simply more options, more ways to speak of this incredible journey. I am grateful beyond telling to welcome them into the pool of language that waits for the dip of my mind, my pen, to offer her treasure.
There are new feelings as well. New levels of frustration and impoténcia, unique experiences of awe, moments of glory and desolation and desire and fear and support and wonder and even a little whooooaaaaa that is coooool. Among other things, realizing that I was looking at the other side of the moon fell into that category.
A friend wrote in understanding that it is difficult to leave a place where you heart has been stretched and where you have had to stretch to make room for your heart. There is much, much truth in that. I wrote to someone this morning that...
I just got an email...suggesting that perhaps God has done all that he had to do in me here in Chile. While that may be, I replied, I remain with serious questions about that. But, hey, questions allow the conversation to move forward. It is more a curiosity than anything else-- If not here, where, then? And, what? And, when? A somewhat frustrated, sad, and yes, disappointed, curiosity at the moment, but curiosity nonetheless.
As I wrote that, I could not help but think of Saint Rose Philippine Duchesne, the Religious of the Sacred Heart who brought the Society to the United States. For years before being given permission, her burning desire was to come to the United States and work with the Native Americans. In 1818, the desire to come to the US became real...though at first, her work was in founding schools and establishing communities rather than working with the Native Americans. She never managed to learn English or the language of the Potowatomi, never felt herself any sort of success. and filled letters with her doubts and uncertainties, her frustrations. What she wanted, as she wanted it, did not happen. Something else, did, however. And it is thanks to that something else that I am here, experiencing my own frustrations and moments of enlightenment.
On Saturday, a wise, caring, brilliant, laugh-filled and tear-filled, 64 year old rscj died as a result of a brain tumor in California. In thinking of her, in thinking of Philippine, in thinking of the rscj here that died several weeks ago and the stories people have told of her...in thinking of this wild and mysterious, rica y redonda journey, I propose that instead of "dust unto dust," however ultimately concretely true, we go with the image "glory unto glory."
It is equally mysterious, equally incomprehensible, yet filled with awe and eternity.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Fourteen days
One´s world can be spun a startling number of times in fourteen days.
Being in a historic earthquake; the consequent upheaval and uncertainty; as well as profound devastation in much of Southern Chile.
Near daily aftershocks-including three (7.2, 6.9, 6.0) within a half an hour the day before yesterday that were accompanied by a tsunami alert with Caribineros sending all people and vehicles to the hills. This required us to evacuate all students from the school, each leaving only in the company of a parent.
The funeral of a 97 year old rscj and having the incredible experience of accompanying her to her final resting place in the mausoleum by singing and praying aloud as we walked the halls and courtyards. Other families that we passed who were also mourning would reach out and touch the casket-one putting a flower on top-most stopping what they were doing, turning to face us, and quietly signing themselves. This mausoleum, with the cracks and crumbles that mark the effects of the recent quake. What an amazing thought, that even to those who have died, the earth still speaks.
The news of the advancing illness of another rscj.
Continued news of my grandfather´s declining health and the toll it is taking on my grandmother.
The absolute desire to be doing something concrete that can help the people who have suffered such devastation, losing everything and sometimes, everyone. The desire to go help our sisters in Concepción by being two more ears to listen, two more arms to carry, one more voice to speak of love and hope amidst the fog of confusion and pain and overwhelmedness.
And, along with that coming to know with great pain and difficulty that the continuing problems with my knee and leg do not permit that now... and that instead, for the sake of everyone, the responsible thing to do at this time is return to the United States, figure out what I need to do to get my knee back in order, do that, and go from there.
So I shall.
This coming week, I leave Chile with my tears adding to her glaciers, my sighs adding to the Atacama winds, and my hope to return living in the song and cry of her people.
Being in a historic earthquake; the consequent upheaval and uncertainty; as well as profound devastation in much of Southern Chile.
Near daily aftershocks-including three (7.2, 6.9, 6.0) within a half an hour the day before yesterday that were accompanied by a tsunami alert with Caribineros sending all people and vehicles to the hills. This required us to evacuate all students from the school, each leaving only in the company of a parent.
The funeral of a 97 year old rscj and having the incredible experience of accompanying her to her final resting place in the mausoleum by singing and praying aloud as we walked the halls and courtyards. Other families that we passed who were also mourning would reach out and touch the casket-one putting a flower on top-most stopping what they were doing, turning to face us, and quietly signing themselves. This mausoleum, with the cracks and crumbles that mark the effects of the recent quake. What an amazing thought, that even to those who have died, the earth still speaks.
The news of the advancing illness of another rscj.
Continued news of my grandfather´s declining health and the toll it is taking on my grandmother.
The absolute desire to be doing something concrete that can help the people who have suffered such devastation, losing everything and sometimes, everyone. The desire to go help our sisters in Concepción by being two more ears to listen, two more arms to carry, one more voice to speak of love and hope amidst the fog of confusion and pain and overwhelmedness.
And, along with that coming to know with great pain and difficulty that the continuing problems with my knee and leg do not permit that now... and that instead, for the sake of everyone, the responsible thing to do at this time is return to the United States, figure out what I need to do to get my knee back in order, do that, and go from there.
So I shall.
This coming week, I leave Chile with my tears adding to her glaciers, my sighs adding to the Atacama winds, and my hope to return living in the song and cry of her people.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
This God
This God I know, this God who created the complexity of my being, the intricacy of a molecule, the simple beauty of a rain-spattered spider web... This God who created in six days the forces, the energies, the potentials, the being-ness, that over time have brought the world to the present moment... This God of love...
...is more a mystery now than ever before and I´m fairly sure I did not think that possible. In a way, it is like moving from those Encyclopedia Browns that I thought were the be all and end all in my youth, to discovering Agatha Christie and Dorothy L. Sayers. More mystery is revealed as growth occurs. Actually, it is more the relationship shared that is the mystery to me these days. The relationship that is gift, purest gift, covenant, a promise of being so profoundly, intimately, a part of one another that the binding can not be overcome.
It is this Mystery that has provided space to say in the midst of this devastated country, God is good. Mystery allows gratitude amidst such suffering. Mystery inspires youth to organize caravans of supplies and people to help remove rubble, listen to the stories, and be faces of love.
At the same time, there is space in Mystery for my desire to sit with Jesus and ask, what exactly is going on here? Earthquake, ill grandfather, grandmother who is not dealing well with that, and now to know that the reason my knee is still swollen three weeks later is that there is a lesion on my tibia. Tests to follow this week.
There is space within this Mystery to offer thanks and express gratitude and ask what the deal is...and I have done that.
In a nutshell, the most mysterious thing to me is the core simplicity of my reaction, amidst the nervousness, the uncertainty, the sadness:
What is, is. And so am I and so are many others and so is God. With that, the new day dawns, the work continues, the hope lights the path so the neighbor too finds her way. Those who have died know the fullness of Glory and are part of that hope now too, as are all the saints.
It is a living out of the covenant here on Earth, really. The binding of one to another in time of need and suffering.
Thanks be to God, mysteriously.
...is more a mystery now than ever before and I´m fairly sure I did not think that possible. In a way, it is like moving from those Encyclopedia Browns that I thought were the be all and end all in my youth, to discovering Agatha Christie and Dorothy L. Sayers. More mystery is revealed as growth occurs. Actually, it is more the relationship shared that is the mystery to me these days. The relationship that is gift, purest gift, covenant, a promise of being so profoundly, intimately, a part of one another that the binding can not be overcome.
It is this Mystery that has provided space to say in the midst of this devastated country, God is good. Mystery allows gratitude amidst such suffering. Mystery inspires youth to organize caravans of supplies and people to help remove rubble, listen to the stories, and be faces of love.
At the same time, there is space in Mystery for my desire to sit with Jesus and ask, what exactly is going on here? Earthquake, ill grandfather, grandmother who is not dealing well with that, and now to know that the reason my knee is still swollen three weeks later is that there is a lesion on my tibia. Tests to follow this week.
There is space within this Mystery to offer thanks and express gratitude and ask what the deal is...and I have done that.
In a nutshell, the most mysterious thing to me is the core simplicity of my reaction, amidst the nervousness, the uncertainty, the sadness:
What is, is. And so am I and so are many others and so is God. With that, the new day dawns, the work continues, the hope lights the path so the neighbor too finds her way. Those who have died know the fullness of Glory and are part of that hope now too, as are all the saints.
It is a living out of the covenant here on Earth, really. The binding of one to another in time of need and suffering.
Thanks be to God, mysteriously.
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